i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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