I think I died a long time ago.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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