i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I will be naked everywhere
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
