I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the condom got lost in my hair
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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