cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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