somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
