yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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