My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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