Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
