He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
