The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
