Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
