Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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