I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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