I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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