but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
