it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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