So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
