well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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