SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
