Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You ate ashes out of my bong
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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