Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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