Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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