Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
