I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
