I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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