wanna go halves on a baby?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
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Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
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Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.