it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus