apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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