sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
