and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I need to sanitize my soul.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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