i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
