i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
