DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
