gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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