He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
