How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
