Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
