WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
