Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
