i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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