at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
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He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
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I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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