Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's shark week go big or go home
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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