I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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