there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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