i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
