So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Still dying that you shit outside
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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