The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
