TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he fucked my hip out of place.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
