there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
