you have to choose: penises or morals?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
