I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Are these your boobs on my camera?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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