You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
