I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
