Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
