all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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