I think I died a long time ago.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
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I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
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tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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