I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.