Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dating After Heartbreak
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?