I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
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i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
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If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?