My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.