So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just tell him i said nine months
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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