i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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