i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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