i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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