Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
