We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
