Walk of Shame. In a state park.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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