I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
