I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
