there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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