In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
