So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
