Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
