The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
