Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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