Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
