Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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