everyone is single if you try hard enough
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
