Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
