Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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