i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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